Registry Etiquette
Most registry etiquette advice is written to make someone feel judged. This isn't that. Here is what's genuinely worth observing, what has quietly stopped mattering, and honest answers to the things people are too embarrassed to ask.
For couples
Where the registry link goes
On your wedding website, on shower invitations, and with whoever will be asked directly: your parents and your wedding party. Not on the wedding invitation itself. That convention is fading, but it's still the version most likely to bother the person you least want to bother.
Asking for cash
Fine, common, and frequently the most useful thing. What makes it land well is specificity. "A contribution toward our honeymoon" or "toward the house" gives a guest something to picture. A bare request for money doesn't.
Keep a few physical items on the list regardless. Some guests strongly prefer to give an object, and taking that option away makes them uncomfortable.
Range
Include things at $25 and things at $250. A guest who can't find something in their budget will go off-registry, and the results are unpredictable. See what guests actually spend.
Thank-you notes
Every gift, in writing, naming the specific thing and something true about it. Sooner is better. The traditional window is generous, but notes written promptly are notes that actually get written.
Keep the record as gifts arrive rather than reconstructing it later. This is the single most common regret couples report about the whole process.
A second registry for a second wedding
Entirely acceptable. Expectations tend to be lighter, and a shorter, more experience-weighted list usually fits better.
For guests
Do I have to buy from the registry?
No. But it exists because the couple thought about what they need, and buying from it's the most reliable way to give something wanted. See going off-registry for when to depart from it.
I was invited but can't go. Do I still send something?
A gift is customary if you're close to them, and a card is warm and sufficient if you are not. Nobody is keeping a ledger.
Is it rude to buy the cheapest thing?
It isn't. It's on the list because they want it. Couples put inexpensive things on registries deliberately, precisely so that guests at every budget have something to choose.
Do I bring the gift to the wedding?
Prefer shipping it ahead. Cards come to the wedding; boxes are a burden at the end of a long day. Most registries ship direct by default for exactly this reason.
They asked for cash and I find that uncomfortable
Give a physical gift instead. Nobody will mind, and a couple who would is a couple whose opinion you can safely set aside.
Things that have quietly stopped being rules
- "Cover the cost of your plate." Not etiquette. It makes the guest responsible for the couple's venue decision.
- Registering only for formal china. Register for what you'll use.
- Never mentioning the registry. Guests ask, constantly. Making it easy to find is a courtesy, not a demand.
- A strict one-year window for gifts. The grace period is real, but sooner is kinder and easier to remember.
What still matters
- Thank-you notes. Always. This one hasn't moved and won't.
- Not putting a price expectation on anyone. No suggested minimums.
- Not chasing a guest about a gift. Ever, for any reason.
- Being gracious about the wrong gift. Someone chose it thinking of you.
Start here if you're new: How wedding registries work