How Wedding Registries Work
A registry is a list of things you would like, held somewhere your guests can see it, which marks items as taken once someone buys them. That's genuinely all it is.
Everything else (the platforms, the fees, the cash funds, the etiquette arguments) is detail layered on top of that one idea. This page covers the detail in the order it actually matters.
When to open one
Before your engagement party, if you're having one. People start buying the moment an engagement is announced, and a registry that doesn't exist yet is a registry nobody uses.
In practice that means roughly six to nine months before the wedding, or immediately if a shower is being planned. You can keep adding to it afterward. It's a living list, not a form you submit once.
How guests find it
Three routes, in order of how much traffic they actually carry:
- Your wedding website. The overwhelming majority of guests arrive this way. If you have one, the registry link belongs on it prominently.
- The shower invitation. Registry details on a shower invitation are conventional and expected. This is the one invitation where it's clearly fine.
- Word of mouth. Your parents and your wedding party will be asked directly. Make sure they know where to point people.
The one place it traditionally doesn't go: the wedding invitation itself. That convention is softening, but it's still the version most likely to bother someone. A wedding website link on the invitation, with the registry a click away, sidesteps it entirely.
What happens to the money
This is the part almost nobody explains, and it's where the real differences between platforms live.
Physical gifts
A guest buys the item and the retailer ships it, usually to you, sometimes to the venue if you choose that. You receive a thing. Straightforward.
Cash funds and honeymoon funds
A guest contributes money toward something you've described, like a honeymoon, a house deposit, or a specific experience. The platform holds it and transfers it to you.
This is where fees appear. Cash contributions are usually charged a processing fee somewhere in the region of a few percent, and platforms differ in who pays it: some deduct it from what you receive, some add it at checkout so the guest can choose to cover it, and a few absorb it entirely.
On a registry that raises a few thousand dollars, that difference isn't trivial. It is the single most useful question to ask before choosing a platform, and it's covered on choosing a registry.
Group gifting
Several guests contribute toward one expensive item. Useful for the large things nobody wants to buy alone, and a genuine reason to include a few costly items rather than capping your list low.
How many items to add
The working rule is two to three items per guest, not per household. It feels excessive when you write it down and it's roughly right in practice, because guests want choice and because the list gets picked over from both ends.
Spread them across price bands deliberately. A registry that's all $30 items leaves the generous guest nowhere to go; a registry that's all $200 items leaves everyone else feeling awkward. Our gift guides cover what guests actually spend, which is the useful way to plan the spread.
After the wedding
- Leave it open for a few months. Gifts arrive late. It's normal.
- Check the return window. Registry returns are often more generous than standard retail, but not always, and the clock frequently starts at purchase rather than at delivery.
- Keep a record of who gave what as things arrive. Doing it retrospectively is genuinely miserable.
Next: Choosing a registry: what actually differs between platforms